


Will I Ever Forget You?

by yamifizzy



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - School, Best Friends, First Love, Friendship/Love, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Long-Distance Friendship, Multi, Multiple Pairings, Separations, Young Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-02
Updated: 2014-07-30
Packaged: 2018-01-21 14:01:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1552994
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yamifizzy/pseuds/yamifizzy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>INDEFINITE HIATUS!!<br/>Eren has met many people in his life.<br/>He has seen many eyes, has heard many voices, has smelled many odors and has hugged many people.<br/>But he knows that sooner or later he'll forget the way their eyes looked, the way their voice sounded, the way the smelled or the way he felt when they hugged him.<br/>But there is only one person in the world that Eren won't forget.<br/>He'll never forget his eyes, his voice, his smell, or his hugs.<br/>No matter how hard he tries, Eren will never forget Levi.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rollercoaster Ride (Rewritten)

I don’t recall how we became such close friends. I met him and not soon after I could express myself to him better than I could with anyone else.

He made me laugh, but he also made me cry. He was the sunshine lighting my room during my darkest hours, but also the cloud stopping the sun’s rays from reaching me.

He made me feel safe while simultaneously making me experience the chill thrill you get when you ride a fast rollercoaster. One that turns in circles, reaches its peak, stops a beat, then when you least expect it, drops full speed, taking your breath away and making your heart beat faster and faster the lower it gets.

In other words, he was everything to me.

I often questioned, what happens to the human being when it loses everything? Then, circumstantially my life reached a time when I no longer had to wonder, because just like rain falls from the sky unexpectedly, slowly at first but rapidly gaining speed, I learned what it felt to lose everything.

The day came when I learnt what it meant to lose Levi.

And then I knew what happens to you.  The heart breaks. It breaks into a million pieces so small that you spend the rest of your life wondering if there is enough glue to put the pieces back together. And even if you are able to find enough of it, the heart will never be the same. It will never in a thousand million years feel how it felt when he hugged me for the first time.

Losing Levi broke my heart, and since that day I have never been the same.

 

</3 </3 </3

 

“What?” He asked, trying to suppress the smile breaking into his lips.

“Nothing,” I replied, not being able to hide my own smile. We stared at each other for a couple of seconds longer until our teacher called our attention.

“Sorry, Ms. Langnar,” we managed to say in unison. The act made us both break into grins, making it very hard to not let any giggles slip out.

It was always like that. We would find one of us looking the other’s way, and laughter soon filled our ears. We didn’t know what was so funny, since no one had said a joke, but when our eyes met we had a telepathic conversation, and just like an inside joke between close friends, looking at each other brightened our days.

I was the one that looked his way the most, finding it very hard no to study his features. He was beautiful, and every day I thanked the heaven’s because he was my best friend, the closest friend I’d ever had.

But there were times when he looked my way first, trying to start a conversation, but instead of speaking he remained silent, waiting for me to take the first step. He thought I was the funniest person he had ever met, which made him love having me as company. Because of that fact he always chose me as his partner for every project we had to do. Most of the time he’d joke around and call me crazy, but I didn’t mind. He liked who I was, there was no doubt about it.

“Did you do the homework?”

Since he was looking at me I simply shook my head, and although I knew the answer I asked anyways. “Did you?”

He also shook his head, grinning my way, “Let’s copy it from someone else.”

I liked who he was. He called me funny but I was the one laughing at every funny word that left his lips. He called me crazy but he was the one running down the stairs while making funny faces at me, yelling at the top of his lungs that I walked as slow as our English teacher. Just like there was no doubt he liked who I was, no one could deny that I liked everything him.

I loved how warm his hugs were, making me shiver at how right it felt to be in his arms. I loved when we locked arms as we walked down the hallways, it felt so right I believed our arms belonged together. I loved when he played with my hair, messing it up to carefully fix it up again when I pouted and pretended to be mad at him. I loved when we walked home together, so close in the cold weather that our shoulders brushed repeatedly. But what I loved the most was that although he was aware all those things happened between us, he didn’t mind. Instead, he looked my way and smiled every time.

I could never get enough of his smile, warm and bright, shining like the morning sun or his silver eyes, glinting with happiness.

Everything about him was perfect, and just thinking of his name made my heart clench.

 

</3 </3 </3

 

“Levi?”

“Yes, Eren?” He smiled at me like he always did, the smile that only I was lucky enough to see.

“Do you like anyone?” I barely noticed how his smile faded a little, just like the glint in his eyes diminished.

“Huh? Why are you asking me that all of a sudden?” He subtly eyed me warily, diverting his eyes to a group of kids near us.  

“Ah, no reason at all. Just wondering really.” I shrugged my shoulders, trying to make it seem like although I asked, I wasn’t very concerned with the answer.

“Okay, then.” It stayed quiet around us for a couple of seconds, until he spoke again. “If you really wanna know, I do like someone.”

I looked up at the sound of his voice, finding his eyes on me. I never paid close attention to what the look in his eyes meant, since there weren’t many things left unspoken between the two of us. But this time around the look in his eyes was one I couldn’t read.

“You do?” I gave a slight nod, as if contemplating his answer but trying to look nonchalant about the whole subject. There was a mental battle inside my head that consisted of how I should be feeling about it all. I didn’t know if I should be hopeful that the person he liked was me, or disappointed because it could as well be someone else. I didn’t know if I wanted to find out which one of the two it was, but I asked anyways. “Can I know who it is?”

At the sounds of my question he took a look around the room. We were in the cafeteria, sitting at a table by ourselves. The others had gone to get lunch but we had stayed behind because we didn’t like to stand in line for longer than necessary.

“If I tell you something, do you promise not to tell anyone?”

It took me a couple of seconds to process his sentence, but when I did process it I knew I wasn’t the name that wandered his thoughts. He liked someone else, and I needed to keep it a secret.

“I promise.”

He took a deep breath, and I noticed the nervousness he felt. Right at that moment I regretted ever bringing the subject up. Since we were such close friends, feeling nervous around each other was a rare occurrence, but I had changed that in a matter of minutes.

“I’m going out with Erwin.”

Those words marked the moment when I had a taste of heartbreak. Not only that, but I had learned more than I was bargaining for. I only wanted to know if he liked anyone, but had ended up knowing who it was and that they were dating.

I tried no to but my mind couldn’t stop to travel back in time and pay closer attention to every time Levi and Erwin interacted. I don’t know how I missed it but the signs were clearly there. The quick sideways glances, the small touches when passing by, the barely visible smiles they presented each other.

I felt betrayed.

“For how long have you been together?” I didn’t really want to know but I couldn’t stop myself from asking.

“It’s gonna be two weeks tomorrow.” Upon answering he looked deeply into my eyes, maybe searching for something that would tell him how I felt, I wasn’t sure. Ever since he first let his secret out, he hadn’t stopped looking at me.

“Sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. Erwin wanted it to be a secret because I’m his first boyfriend, and no one knows he’s—you know.”

Erwin Smith. Levi was his first boyfriend.

“Is he your first boyfriend as well?” He’d told me he’s never had one before, but I could never be too sure, not after this anyways.

“Yes, he is.”

Erwin was Levi’s first boyfriend.

I didn’t ask any more questions, I didn’t want to know anything else. I broke eye contact with Levi and looked over the table where Erwin was sitting at, laughing with his other friends without a care in the world.

“Are you mad?” I directed my gaze back to the boy next to me. I wanted to tell him that yes, I was mad, mad because he has kept this a secret from me but also because he liked someone else instead of me, but I didn’t.

“Why would I be mad?” He kept looking at me, and I hoped he didn’t notice I had asked a question I knew the answer to. It dawned upon me why he kept looking at me this whole time; he wanted my approval. I didn’t want to approve anything that had to do with him and another boy, but of course I had to approve, how couldn’t I?  

“I don’t know, for not telling you?” The nervousness was back, no, more like it never left. Did he worry I was going to be mad and suddenly leave him?

“I’m not mad, I understand why you couldn’t tell me.” I did understand. Erwin had asked him not to tell anyone, and Levi would do what his boyfriend wanted because he liked Erwin and Erwin liked him. They were a couple, they’d probably held hands, hugged, maybe—

“Have you kissed him?” I asked a question I didn’t plan on asking, one I didn’t want to know the answer to.

“Yeah, we kissed.” As spoke out the words I could see he was getting lost in his thoughts, probably remembering exactly how he felt when Erwin took his first kiss, the kiss that I wanted to take first.

Upon leaving la-la-land, Levi smiled at me, and unlike past times, there wasn’t a fiber in my body that wanted to smile back.

But I had to. I had to be happy for him, even if it meant I wouldn’t be happy myself.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Never Shout Never - Lovesick

“Are you two holding hands?” She was standing a couple of steps ahead of us, at the top of the stairs. I looked down to my hand, so close to Levi’s but not close enough. I looked up to him and found his eyes on me.

We turned our heads towards Mikasa at the same time. “No, we’re not.” I broke the silence.

“Why would you think we’re holding hands?”

“I don’t know,” Mikasa started walking up the stairs again. “Maybe you two were going out and forgot to tell me.”

No words. No words were said. She looked back at us once again and Levi shifted away from me a couple of centimeters, not enough for Mikasa to notice but for me it was quite evident.

My cheeks were red. I didn’t look up to Levi as we continued to walk up the stairs as well, following Mikasa’s trail. But I knew I didn’t need to look up to him. He had Erwin now, his face would’ve said it all.

Silence. All I heard was silence as we walked up to our Algebra class and sat in our respective seats.

“So you’re not dating?” Mikasa brought the subject up again once we were settled. I sat next to her, Levi sat a couple of desks away. We had been separated after constantly disrupting the class with our talking.

“Of course we’re not.” I told her without even glancing her way.

She knew how I felt, she knew exactly what Levi meant to me. She had asked, just like I had Levi. But I didn’t want to tell her, I wanted to keep how I felt all to myself. Telling someone meant I had expectations, letting her know made it true, it made it real. But I told her nevertheless, and she only replied with “I knew it”, my questioning glare made the words “undeniable, predictable, easy to realize” come out of her lips.

If it was so, why didn’t Levi know?

“I’m sorry,” she told me.

“Why?”

“Because I know how much he means to you.”

I focused on the front of the room, where numbers and letters all jumbled together, blurred, like how your vision gets when you stand under the rain for too long. I tried to focus my attention on the teacher who was talking about solving simple two-step equations, but something caught my eye. I turned to my left and saw Levi looking at me. This time he didn’t smile like he usually did, and at that moment I knew something had changed between us.

When it was time to leave the classroom, Mikasa and I waited for Levi by the door like we always did. We all had the same classes, since they were weirdly divided into thirty students randomly selected and thrown together to experience all of their classes and teachers together.

However, when we exited the room, Levi didn’t stand by my side like he always did, normally leaving me in the middle. Instead he stood next to Mikasa, making her the person in the middle.

I noticed Mikasa look towards me, looking for something that will tell her what I felt, but I ignored her and also ignored Levi’s words that he obviously was addressing to only Mikasa. I would’ve normally been listening to everything he said, noticing every breath taken and every time his pitch changed, which wasn’t often. But this time I didn’t even acknowledge his presence and I knew he was doing the same to me. As we walked to our next class, with Mikasa next to me shooting quick sideway glances my way and Levi looking straight ahead, I knew that things weren’t going to be the same anymore.

 

</3 </3 </3

 

I laid in my bed trying not to cry. I was thinking about him, I always was. But usually when his name wandered through my thoughts a smile broke into my face. It wasn’t that way anymore.

I’ve always liked Levi, ever since the first time I really looked at him. His personality was what made me fall for him bit by bit. Did I love him? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe I just liked his company, or the way he could make a crappy day feel like it was the best day of my life. But not matter what it was, infatuation or love, my heart hurt thinking about him liking someone else.

I always hoped he felt the same way about me, and being around him all the time only made me hope harder. Mikasa always told me that he liked me too, judging by the way he treated me, but I never saw it. And now that I knew he didn’t feel the same way I did all my hopes and wishes came crashing down.

I wanted to stop thinking about him. I wanted to take his smile and his hugs out of my memories. It hurt just to think about them. I needed to forget him, I needed to forget Levi and focus on something else in my life. Now that I knew Levi wasn’t mine I realized I had let my life revolve around him and nothing else mattered apart from him. I realized the grave mistake I had made and I needed to fix it. I needed to focus on anything else other than Levi.

Then it hit me, what I needed to do was start my life from scratch. I had made everything related to me revolve around him, and now that I knew that one day he’d be off married to Erwin or someone else other than me, I had to rip him out of every connection he had to me.

“Eren?” Mikasa knocked at my door, probably wondering why I wasn’t watching TV with her like we usually did once we got home from school. Our parents didn’t let us go out right after getting home, stressing that kids need to spend time with their family and not be with their friends all day. They expected us to do homework with the hour they trapped us in the house before they let us go out, but Mikasa and I soon figured out we could get away with watching all the episodes of Attacking Titans they gave around three pm.

“Yeah?” I called out to her. She knew ‘yeah’ meant come in in my language.

“Hey, are you alright?” she could read me like a book, and she knew there was something I was stressing about, trying to deny it would be a waste of time.

“No, I’m not.” I looked down to my hands as Mikasa put her whole body through my open door and not just her head. She sat next to me on the bed, probably trying to figure out what to say so my feelings wouldn’t be hurt.

“Is it because of what I said today, about him?”

“No.” I could be mad at her for her comment. Because of it Levi was keeping his distance from me. But I couldn’t blame her, it was unintentionally done and he only reacted that way because of Erwin.

“But it has to do with Levi?”

“Yes,” I replied, again, no use in lying.

“Can I know?”

“Sorry, I can’t.”

“Okay.” She didn’t get mad that I wouldn’t share my feelings. She knew me and Levi had our secrets that no one else needed to know. It just turns out that I’d be needing to add his secret boyfriend Erwin to that list. But Mikasa respected my privacy. “I’ll leave you alone then.” She patted my knee and made her way out of my room.

“Thanks,” I told her as she closed my door, taking with her every bit of light that entered from outside.

My room had always been dark, since I took my sleep seriously. Even in the middle of the day it was pitch black. As I laid in my bed I thought of ways to forget him. I didn’t want to give him up, I didn’t want to stop daydreaming about him kissing my lips and holding my hand. But I had to forget him, for my own good. He had Erwin now, I would be wasting my time if I thought that they’d break up soon and then things would go back to normal. I knew Levi, he took relationships seriously and only got involved with someone if they meant a lot to him. It was obvious I had to find a way to push him out of my thoughts.

Then it hit me. What I needed to do was find someone else to waste my time thinking about. And I had the perfect someone in mind.

“Eren?” Mikasa knocked at my door once again. “You coming out today? They’re here already.”

“Who is?” My heart started racing at the thought of him standing in my front porch.

“Well there’s Sasha, Connie, Jean, Ymir and Marco.” Not hearing his name saddened me a bit, but at the mention of the last name I quickly got up from my bed and yelled “coming!” to Mikasa.

I looked for the best clothes I could find at the spur of the moment, I wanted to make a good impression on my new crush. I knew very well Jean wasn’t going to be very pleased with my new choice of guy, but pleasing him wasn’t even in my priorities and it was the perfect chance to try and get Marco, since they were currently off in their on and off crazy relationship. I’ve always found Marco cute anyways.

I got out of my room and headed outside where the others stood waiting. “Hey guys,” I said receiving a couple of greetings from the girls. I looked toward Marco and smiled wider when our eyes met. I sensed Jean stare burning through my skull but that didn’t stop me from standing next to his ex.

“Hi Marco :)"


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Anthony Salari - Stupid Pretty Girl

**2 years before.**

“Class, say hello to the new students Eren and Mikasa, they are brother and sister.” The teacher stood by our side while she encouraged the class to give us a warm welcome.

“Hello Eren and Mikasa,” they all tried to say in unison but failed miserably.

“Eren. Mikasa. Why don’t you guys tell us a little bit about yourselves? We’ll go around the classroom and everyone else will say who they are and something about themselves as well.”

We both nodded at the teacher and I turned towards Mikasa, begging her to go first.

“Hello, my name’s Mikasa Ackerman and I like to run for fun.”

“Good,” said the teacher after Mikasa. She pointed at me, “and you?”

“Uh, my name is Eren Jaeger, and my favorite show is Attacking Titans.” A couple of kids gasped, surprised that a 11 year old like me could watch such a violent show, I didn’t care because I loved to see the titans being destroyed.

“I love that show!” a girl in the front of the class said. She was wearing glasses and wore her hair in a ponytail. “I love titans!”

“We know Hange.” Replied a boy with black short hair. “You never stop talking about them.”

The boy looked back to the front, directly at me and smiled, making me blush.

The teacher ignored the Hange girl and told me and Mikasa to find where to sit. There were exactly two empty seats, one was next to a blonde girl whose glare scared me a bit. The next was situated next to the boy who had made me blush with his smile. I saw Mikasa heading towards the blonde girl, leaving me to sit next to the boy. I slowly walked to the seat, noticing the boy watching my every move. When my eyes met his, he smiled once again, making me smile as well.

“Okay, now let’s start with Hange, say your name and something about yourself.” The teacher looked at Hange with less enthusiasm than she showed me and Mikasa. I guess we all knew what she was going to say.

All the kids excitedly said their name and interesting facts about themselves, well at least they thought they were interesting. The ones that stuck out the most were Sasha and her love for potatoes, Jean and horses, and Annie I only remembered because throughout the whole time she spoke I found it hard to look at her frightening face, but the way Mikasa stuck by her side after the class told me she wasn’t as bad as she seemed.

“My name is Levi, and I also like watching Attacking Titans,” he turned to me, once again smiling, goddamn it what is it with this guy and smiling, well not that I was complaining.

Maybe that’s when I started falling for him, learning he liked the same thing as me and seeing his beautiful smile facing my way. But how we became friends? That’s a whole other story. It was so sudden, so unexpected. That day we were strangers and one week later we were friends. A couple of months later I would call him my best friend; my closest friend. Maybe it was because we were both 11, so young and free. When you’re younger making friends is way easier than when you become a teenager, and once I grew older I realized that the hard way.

But all I know is that it all started that day when the teacher told Levi to guide me around the school and walk me to all my classes so I wouldn’t get lost. But I owe it all to him, who kindly agreed to help the new kid out by responding with an “I’d love to show Eren around.” That was the first time he said my name and it certainly wasn’t the last time.

 

</3 </3 </3

 

“So Eren,” Levi said to me when we first left the classroom. “Do you like the school so far?” He looked at me expectantly with a visible glint in his eyes.

Okay, I’m going to stop here and say that I falling for him was 100% all his fault, with his warm smiles, shining grey eyes and the way he said my name. Since the first time I saw him it was all his fault.

“I do,” I replied with a small smile. “Everyone’s really nice.”

“I’m glad to hear that.” Again with the smiles. If he kept smiling at me that way I wouldn’t be able to continue to be his friend because I might as well just grab his face and kiss his very inviting lips.

_Oh no, no, no. Here we go again._

I had just met the guy and I was already crushing on him big time.

_Well this is going to be a fun ride._

Later I realized how crushing on Levi was going to end up crushing my heart.

 

</3 </3 </3

 

It was a week later when I learned from Mikasa whom heard from Annie that Levi was dating Petra (he’s only 11 jeez!). At the moment my crush for Levi was very small, so knowing this information didn’t really affect me as much. It did however cause me to distance myself from him, willing my crush to go away. But how difficult it was to see that happen. We sat next to each other on all our classes, so all the partner classwork assigned we had to do together. It didn’t help that he was smart and dedicated so he always wanted to do his work. Watching look for the answers inside our Social Studies book was the cutest thing ever. His eyebrows furrowed and he squinted his eyes at the page he was reading, almost like he thought if he concentrated enough the answer will jump out at him.

That same day he looked up to find me staring at him while he read the textbook was the same day I learned about Petra.

And that same day I met Mina.

We were sitting in the cafeteria waiting to be called up for lunch. Levi had welcomed me to his group of friends with open arms. He said Mikasa could join us as well, but it seemed like Annie had different plans for her. I was glad she had found a friend who looked as tough as she did at such a young age.

“Hey, you’re the new kid right?” ‘New Kid’ Yeah everybody can call me that if they want, I mean they have been doing it for the past week.

“His name is Eren,” Levi interrupted the conversation I was having with the unknown girl.

“Oh Eren, that’s a nice name,” the girl smiled at me, but I mentally noted that her smile wasn’t as mesmerizing as Levi’s. She had medium length black hair which was loosely tied in pigtails. Her eyes were also grey, but hers didn’t shine like Levi.

Thinking back to this time I should’ve realized that my crush on her was only because she looked like him, well not really but same hair and eye color was enough coincidence. Not only that but the first time I met her I couldn’t stop comparing her to him, and the comparisons always complemented Levi.

“My name is Mina,” she said to me after I thanked her for saying I have a nice name. “It’s nice to meet someone like you.”

She was very nice from the beginning, always saying hi when she saw me, inviting me to hang out with her when we went out to recess. We got close enough that we would hug every morning when she saw me enter through the school hallways.

I was sure she liked me, and I sure thought I liked her.

 

</3 </3 </3

 

“Eren, are you going to the dance?” Mina didn’t say my name like Levi did, there was no longing attached to it.

But nobody had asked me if I wanted to go or intended on going to the dance, so my answer was no.

“Really, why not? Come on. Please come to the dance, it’ll be fun.” She smiled at me expecting me to say yes and agree to go with her.

“Are you going?” Of course I’d ask a question with an obvious answer.

“Of course I am,” she let a couple of laughs slip and tilted her head while staring into my eyes. “I want you to go as well.” I would’ve been hypnotized by the way she looked at me, I saw hunger in her eyes and at that moment I knew she liked me as well. But my like for her wasn’t the same, I was subconsciously using her a substitution for a certain someone.

Did I want to go? Not really. Dances and social outings have never been my thing, so going to that dance was a first. I knew Levi and Petra were going, he had told me about it while I pretended I was excited he was going to go with his one month old girlfriend.

“Sorry Mina, I’m not allowed to go.” I’ve always been very good at lying.

“Aw, that sucks. Sorry you can’t go.”

“Yeah, me too.”

 

</3 </3 </3

 

“Eren, can I ask you something.” My heart stopped at the sound of his words. It always did when he said he needed to tell me something or he messaged me saying ‘ _there’s something you need to know_ ’. I loved how he didn’t text like most people would, avoiding writing with numbers or shortening every word possible. Well, that’s besides the point.

“U-huh,” was all I said as I looked into his grey eyes, they hadn’t been shining like they first did when I first saw him, but I didn’t know the reason why. And that made me even more nervous.

“Do you like Mina?” He gave me a quick little smile, as if saying ‘I know your secret’. What did I do? Did I tell him that yes, I had a little crush on her and maybe lose all hopes that he hoped I didn’t like her but instead I liked him, or did I say no, and lose the opportunity to actually be in a relationship with Mina?

“No, I don’t like her,” I let out a laugh. “Why would you ask me that?”

Levi rose his eyebrow as if daring me to say, ‘Haha I’m kidding I do like her a lot she is really cute and nice!’ Maybe my blushing cheeks gave me away.

“I just asked cause I always see you guys together talking and stuff.”

“Ah, okay.” What could I tell him? Yes Levi I like Mina but I like you more! How lame could I get?

“Okay then.” He smiled at me once again and walked away to sit next to his girlfriend. To say my heart didn’t sink a little would be a complete lie. I was definitely falling for him, and boy was I falling hard.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: The Ready Set - Notions

**Back to Present**

I hadn’t seen Levi since last Friday. You could say that I was literally avoiding him, a task that he made very easy to accomplish since he didn’t even try to contact me like he usually did during the weekends. I could’ve spent my weekend sulking because of the lack of Levi my life was suddenly getting, but instead I pushed all thoughts of him out of my mind and focused completely on Marco. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t just decide to like Marco out of the blue, I know how hard it is to control feelings and if I had that capacity I would’ve chosen to fall in love with somebody other than—ugh. Let’s not talk about him.

Marco Bodt. What could I say about him?

He was a sweet guy, creative, smart, shy enough to be considered a cutie by both girls and boys. He was an approachable person but at the same time there was this deep mystery hidden under his hazel eyes. But the thing I liked the most about him was his confidence. Just by looking at him you could see the potential of a person you should follow, and that was exactly what I did that Friday when we hung out. We went to the normal places we went, to the park to run around and act like idiots, to the ice cream store that sold the best ice creams I’ve tasted in my life. Unlike usual, I asked Marco what he wanted me to get him, which resulted in a surprised expression not from just only him but from Mikasa and Jean, who I noticed were keeping an eye on me very closely since we left the house. Since  I realized it was a little weird that I was only buying ice cream for him and not anyone else, I decided to be generous and buy everyone else ice cream just so they would stop looking at me like I had three eyes.

Once we left the shop we decided to walk around and window shop, me mostly since I had spent all the money I had trying to be nice and cover up the fact that I was trying too hard to get Marco’s attention. I didn’t miss the annoying stares Jean and Mikasa shot my way, making it obvious that they knew what I was doing. Of course Marco was oblivious to all of this, gratefully standing by my side since I had gotten him a more expensive ice cream flavor. But all he might’ve noticed was that I was acting nicer the usual and after leaving the store tried my best to stay by his side wherever we went.

And then there was Jean, who tried to pull Marco his way whenever I got too close. He kept shooting me looks that could kill and behind his hateful eyes I could see the look of longing towards his best friend. But although I knew that what Marco and Jean had went farther than just a simple school crush, I pushed Jean’s looks out of my thoughts and smiled at the beautiful boy standing next to me. I admit I’m not the smartest fruit of the bunch but I needed a distraction and realizing Levi hadn’t crossed my mind all afternoon I knew I had chosen the right person.

 

</3 </3 </3

 

“Is there a reason why you have been avoiding Levi all day?” Mikasa’s judging glare pierced through my eyes. “Not to mention Friday’s incident with Marco, who got back together with Jean, _today_.”

Wow. To say those words didn’t hurt would be a big fat lie. I had managed to avoid Levi’s gaze all day and decided to not test my luck and hide out in the library during our lunch period. But it seems like Mikasa was smarter than I let her out to be and by looking at the clock it didn’t take long for her to realize about my whereabouts.

“Eren! I’m talking to you.” Makasa’s glare got more intense, if that was possible, as she waited for my reply. But what did she want me to say? That I’m happy for Marco and Jean because all along I knew they belonged together. Or that I’m angry because no one that I like even pays attention to me. Maybe she wanted to hear that I was disappointed because after spending majority of my weekend with Marco I realized that I really liked him. What did she want me to tell her?

While I let my mind roam I didn’t avert my eyes from Mikasa and I would think she was able to read minds because her look was no longer a glare but rather sympathetic. As if she knew everything that was going through my head. As if she knew how much it hurt to not look at Levi or hug him like I normally did every morning. Maybe she saw how disappointed I was that Marco chose Jean over me, something I was expecting anyways.  

“I’m sorry.” She sat next to me and looked to the row of books displayed across the table. The titles all looked depressing and their cover images didn’t help the mood. I chose those books because I knew I would relate to them. Also because just for a couple of hours I could live someone else’s life and although the pages would be full of agony and despair, I was always waiting for the hopeful end that left the main character with a smile in their eyes and something to look forward to. I hadn’t always liked reading, but ever since I found myself lonely in my room I would grab a book and pretend to be someone else for a while. Someone that would actually be with the person they loved, or someone that would get over the person that broke their heart and find someone better. Maybe I was letting all those stories get to me, making me more miserable than necessary, but that didn’t stop me from reading the words that made me visualize a life completely different from mine.

Mikasa didn’t say anything after that and neither did I. I didn’t want to talk to her because just by saying any simple word she could read through my words like I did any book.

The bell rang disrupting me from my depressing thoughts. Mikasa grabbed some of the books I had picked out and put them back on the shelves, knowing more than me that the stories they contained wouldn’t help me this time.

She looked at me once again and this time I managed to let words slip out of my lips.

      “Thank you.”

 

</3 </3 </3

 

“Eren!” I knew that voice too well. I fell asleep listening to it. My heart jumped, beating irregularly until I managed to breathe every time that voice spoke to me. I knew that voice too well. And that’s why I didn’t turn around. That’s why I kept walking and pretended that voice didn’t call out my name, with a bit of desperation attached to it.

“Eren, wait up!” School had ended and I had hurried out of the building to walk home alone. I didn’t want to be around anyone, not even Mikasa. I had spent the whole day thinking about things I didn’t want to think about, resulting in me not paying any attention to what any of my teachers said.

 I didn’t walk fast enough because the owner of that beautiful voice caught up to me.

“Eren,” he was standing in front of me now. Blocking my view as well as the sun’s rays that had previously warmed my face in midst of the cool wind. All I could see now was Levi. I took his imagine in, that same feeling I got every time I saw him spreading throughout my chest. And then he did something I didn’t expect him to do, he smiled.

He smiled and that did it for me. I couldn't stop liking him, there was no way I could spend the rest my life like I had done the whole day. I couldn’t avoid Levi, I couldn’t be without him. His simple smile managed to make me feel like I was the happiest guy in the world. Feeling his eyes focused on mine made me feel like I didn’t need anything else. If I had Levi I was complete.

What I failed to notice was the person standing behind him, and I don’t know how I missed the blond hair because the height difference was obvious.

“Eren, I’ve been meaning to talk to you.” His voice made me forget about the person behind him for just a second, it wasn’t until he said the next words that my mind went blank.

 “Is it okay if Erwin becomes my partner for the science project? We’re hanging out today and is easier for him to work with me than with Mike. We talked with Mike and he said he doesn’t mind working with you…”

…

I was speechless. Here was I standing, thinking that he came to ask me something more appealing like would you like to hang out with me or I’m sorry about how I acted Friday, please let’s go back to being best friends forever. Instead I felt myself being replaced. Erwin was taking my spot as Levi’s partner for the science project. Levi and I had always been partners for all the projects we did, so this was a first. And by the looks of it, it wouldn’t be the last.

I felt tears pushing their way out of my eyes, but I tried to keep them in. I couldn’t cry, not here in front of Levi and his _boyfriend_ Erwin. I couldn’t let my emotions slip because then he’ll know how much he means to me. Erwin wouldn’t understand why I had started crying just because Levi wanted to change partners, it was a school project after all and everyone knew how much I despised school. But Levi would know, he was just like Mikasa, he could read me like a book.

Not trusting myself I didn’t speak any words but instead forced a smile and nodded. Then as fast as I could I walked around Levi and the other person whom from this moment on I refuse to name, and then I let the tears fall.

But there was still too many people around and I didn’t want them to see me in this weak state. So I ran, I ran as fast as I could and I don’t know where I was going because the tears were falling so hard I all I saw were blurs of moving bodies and I could feel the cool wind hitting my teary face.                         

I felt my body collide with something soft yet strong at the same time. Then I heard my name.

“Eren? Eren are you okay? Why are you crying?” And although my mind was a jumble of thoughts and my sobs were getting louder I managed to realize whose arms I was entangled in.

“Eren, look at me.” And I did. I found myself staring at soft hazel eyes and scattered freckles.

“M-marco?” I managed to speak out but just as I finished saying his name the tears starting flowing once more and this time I wasn’t able to stop them.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: S.O. Stereo - What You Wanted Me To Do

“Here, drink this.” I looked up at Marco’s eyes and mumbled a thanks after touching the warm mug. He hadn’t asked me if I wanted something to drink but seeing me in the state I was maybe he realized he didn’t need to. I placed the mug under my nose and sniffed in its scent. The warm air that touched my face felt great and the smell of sweet chocolate filled my nostrils. I took a sip as I felt Marco’s gaze upon me. I knew what I had to do, and he needed an answer.

“I’m sorry.”

He didn’t say anything, just nodded his head as if he understood why I was sorry. I didn’t even know why I was sorry myself. I took the silence the filled the room as a sign that I had to elaborate more.

“It’s just that…” I wanted to tell him how I felt. I wanted him to know what had happened with Levi and how much my heart hurt at the moment. But I didn’t want him to know about my secret feelings, even less pity me. He wouldn’t understand how I felt. He had Jean and everyone knew they were the couple that was going to be together all throughout the school years, with the occasional breaks up here and there. But the way he looked at me made me want to tell him everything, or at least something, so I let the words slip out of my lips without giving them a second thought.

“I’ve… given up in love. It doesn’t exist. It’s not real.” I directed my gaze back to the mug, noticing there were little marshmallows floating around. If those words hadn’t just escaped my mouth I would’ve laughed about it. How pathetic did I sound? I was 13 year old boy who was in love with his best friend. I shouldn’t even know what love feels like less be giving up on it.

I expected Marco to laugh at me, or to tell me to stop joking around and tell him what’s really going on. But he didn’t. He kept looking at me as if he understood how I felt. But I wouldn’t know unless he replied to my statement, which he did but only after a while.

“Don’t say those things. Love is real. It exist Eren. Why would such a young person like you give up in such a wonderful thing?” He gave me a little sympathetic smile.

“Love is not wonderful, love sucks.” Now I was really sounding like a little boy.

“Love doesn’t suck. Love feels very good. Now I wonder who the person is going around breaking your heart and making you think love sucks.”

Who was the person responsible for the miserable way I felt. I could tell him it was Levi. I could tell him Levi had broken my heart the minute he told me Erwin was his boyfriend. That exact second when I figured out he didn’t feel the same way about me. But I’d be lying if I only said Levi was the only one responsible for how I felt. There was Erwin, who had captured Levi’s interest. But I couldn’t blame him, no matter how much I wanted to. There was also Mikasa for making those comments in front of Levi when we were walking up those stairs that day. But I knew it wasn’t her purpose to make Levi react in such an unexpected way. And then there was Marco. Yes, the person sitting in front of me. I had grown fond of the weekend we spent together. I learned a lot about him and really enjoyed laughing at his jokes or at my own failed attempts. A little bit of my sadness had come from knowing he had gotten back together with Jean. I know it was irrational, I knew all along that he and I were never going to happen, but I couldn’t help from feeling like I had been rejected once again.

“Eren?” Marco’s voice brought me back to reality. He looked at me expectantly and I remembered he had asked me a question.

“If I tell you who it is then I’ll have to kill you.” I tried to bring a little humor into the atmosphere, praying that he’d let it go. He didn’t.

“It’s okay Eren, you can trust me.”

“Marco, I’m serious. If I tell you then I would never be able to talk to you ever again.” My 13 year old self was showing itself again.

“Is it me?” The question caught me by surprise. The room went completely silent and I think he took my lack of words as a yes.

“Do I have to say anything else?” I didn’t deny his discovery, maybe it was because the way I felt had to do with him, only if it was like 22%, but still.

“I’m sorry,” was all he said. I felt as if he was hiding so much more behind those simple words. He was telling me he was sorry because he didn’t feel the same way. He was sorry for making me feel like love was a horrible thing. He was sorry because he had Jean, who made him feel that love was actually the wonderful thing he talked to me about. He was sorry for so many things and I just knew it by the look in his eyes.

I wanted to disappear right then and there. The day was just turning out worse than I had expected.

“I-I should go…” I didn’t mean to stutter. “Mikasa is probably worried about me.” I went to stand up and Marco did just the same.

“Ere-“

“It’s okay Marco. I- what were we even talking about, I don’t remember” I hoped he got my drift.

“Oh, yeah. What were we talking about." He stopped to make a thoughtful look. "Oh, weren’t we talking about ice cream flavors? I said mine was vanilla. What was yours again?” He smiled at me, so genuine that it made his eyes sparkle, ~~but it wasn’t as beautiful as Levi’s~~.

“Chocolate. It’s my favorite.” I smiled back at him, he didn’t deserve what I had done to him. He was such a nice, caring guy and maybe it was okay to let my feelings for him go.

“Yes, right, chocolate.” He went to grab the mug that was in my hand as he said, “And Mikasa’s on her way. I called her when I was making you the chocolate.”

As if on cue the doorbell rang and Marco left to the kitchen, not even having to tell me to go open the door since I was already making my way to it.

“Eren!” Right when I opened the door Mikasa ran in and hugged me like she hadn’t seen me in two years. Her warm embrace made me feel better instantly, and I silently thanked her for always being there for me.

When Marco came back out he talked a bit with Mikasa and after telling her that it would be better if I went home to rest, Mikasa thanked him for taking care of me. Before we could make it out the door I let go of Mikasa’s hand and walked back to Marco.

“Thank you, for everything.” I couldn’t help myself so I hugged him, and he hugged me back. His hug felt really soft and comforting, just like an older brother’s hug, ~~but it didn’t feel as safe as Levi’s.~~

</3 </3 </3

A week had passed after my little outburst and I wish I could say things were back to normal, but oh boy were they not. First of all, Jean had learned about my little visit to Marco’s house and was taking it way lighter than I expected. He talked to me more than usual and what he mostly said went along the lines of “its okay if you think my boyfriend’s hot, I think so too”. Before you jump to conclusions, no, Marco didn’t tell him about my little confession because wait, what confession? We were only talking about ice cream flavors. So no, Jean figured it out by himself because he’s smarter than everyone gives him credit for, and Marco never lies either so he couldn’t deny it. But I was cool with it, I liked how lightly they had both taken it and it made me feel less weird about the whole thing.

That was the only good thing though, because everything else basically sucked.

Erwin had decided that it was time to come out of the closet and let everyone know he was dating Levi. Yes, you heard me. They were the “it” couple now. That’s what everyone talked about wherever you went. I couldn’t even escape it because everyone knew Levi was my best friend, something I wasn’t so sure about anymore, so they decided it was okay to ask me if I knew about their relationship since “you two are so close and all”. People have no decency nowadays.

Since they were officially a couple to the rest of the school, they were able to hold hands and hug and sit next to each other and do everything else under the sun. Which sucked because now I had to witness their affection with my own eyes. And I don’t even have to explain how horrible that feels.

So yeah, Levi no longer sat with us at the table, but rather at Erwin’s table. Hands intertwined under the table while they ate with their free hand (good thing Levi was left-handed, god forbid he had to eat with a useless hand, which proved not to be so useless wrapped around Erwin’s other useless hand).

I needed a break.

I got out of my seat and left to go to the bathroom, but couldn’t even get too far before Mikasa caught up to me after trailing my ass.

“Eren, are you okay?” I could see the concern in her eyes, clear as the sun that was peering in through the hallways windows. Yes, the hallways in this school had windows, which, according to the principal, helped the students stay awake because of the bright sun that shined through them. I know...

“I’m perfectly fine Mikasa, why wouldn’t I be?” I shrugged her arm off my shoulder and kind of ran to the bathroom before she could grab me again and call me out on my obvious lie.

After checking that there wasn’t anyone else in the bathroom I got into a stall and let the tears I had been holding in all day fall out. Then there were the little whimpers I couldn’t help but make. The weight on my shoulders became too much, making me slide down to the dirty floor. If Levi saw me now he’d scowl me and tell me to get up otherwise he wouldn’t get near me. Argh, why did everything have to lead to him?

I don’t know how long I stayed there crying, but it hadn’t passed more than 40 minutes because the bell hadn’t rang yet.

Then I heard it, footsteps. Maybe I had been crying too hard to hear them in the first place, but they sure were there. I felt them getting closer and closer, until I saw a pair of feet, with shoes on of course, step in front of my stall and knock.

“Hey, are you okay?” The voice said. I knew that voice, although I never really had much conversation with the person it belonged too.

“Eren?” Oh shit. He knew who I was. “I know it’s you. I saw you run out the cafeteria and you’re not in there right now so it has to be you.”

I wanted to hate the person standing behind me. I wanted to hate him with all I had, but he didn’t deserve my hate. He never did anything wrong to me, never once hurt me, intentionally anyways. He didn’t deserve to be treated poorly because I was a stupid boy with a crush. So I made myself get up from the floor and slowly opened the stall. He took my state in one quick glance and before I could stop him, he put his arms around me and hugged me tighter than anyone else had before. Too tight.

“I… can’t… breathe…” It seemed like he didn’t hear me, well how could he my face was pressed against his ~~muscular~~ chest. Before I could tell him that I was losing all the oxygen left in me someone opened the door.

“Erwin?” That was another voice I knew too well.

I lifted my head off Erwin’s chest and looked up to the boy I used to love looking at, but this time it was different. Standing in front of us was the one and only Levi, and he didn’t look to happy to find me in his boyfriend’s embrace.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Divided by Friday - You Fooled Me

“Levi?” Erwin broke the silence that wrapped around us. It wasn’t one of those silences that people enjoy and welcome because it makes them ponder about life. No, this silence was one of those that made your thoughts travel at the speed of light and in any moment your brain could explode, just like a light bulb would if it received a power surge.

“Eren?” I was surprised that it was my name he spoke out.

He was looking at me, but not how I expected him to. I mean if I had walked in to see my best friend hugging my boyfriend I would’ve been a bit, what can I say, suspicious? But Levi didn’t have one bit of suspicion in his eyes, and due to all the time we used to spend together I had learnt to read his eyes very well. Instead he felt concerned, why would he feel concerned?

"Eren, are you okay?” He stepped closer to me and at that moment Erwin moved away from me. It wasn’t until then that I realized I had still been in his embrace that whole time. But Levi didn’t leave me time to think about that because he spoke out again.

“Have you been crying?”

Oh.

I saw his hand lift up and come near my face but before he could touch me I backed away and wiped the tears that had been previously spilling with my own hand. It didn’t feel right to have him touch me, to have him wipe my tears away. Not when Erwin was standing right there next to us, not when Erwin had called out his name and Levi didn’t even look his way and not when Levi had been ignoring me ever since I found out about Erwin. Everything led to Erwin didn’t it?

“I’m fine” I said those words a little too harshly. But I didn’t even have enough time to see how Levi had reacted to them because the world was suddenly crushing me and I felt like there wasn’t enough air in the little bathroom and in any moment I could collapse. So I ran out. I ran out the bathroom and just kept running until the tears were blinding my face and I couldn't see where I was going. It all felt too familiar.

</3 </3 </3

The days went by but to me it all felt like a big black blurb. I did the same thing every day. Wake up, go to school, do what I had to do, then come back home and lock myself in my room. Talking to Levi that day hadn’t changed anything between us. He would look at me once in a while with that same look he gave me in the bathroom, almost like he was pleading for me to tell him that I was alright, that he shouldn’t worry. But I didn’t have enough strength to do such things.

We stopped sitting next to each other in class, we no longer walked together to our classes, Mike ended up being my partner for all the projects we did, and I managed to stop myself from crying every time I found myself in the school bathroom during lunch.

Erwin always ended up there with me, not saying anything but giving me _that_ look. I wasn’t sure what that look was but I knew not to question it because although I didn’t know him well enough to tell what his blue eyes told, I knew enough to realize that just like Levi, he was concerned about me.

Mikasa noticed the changes. She asked me what was wrong all the time but I had nothing new to tell her. She knew why I was slowly going from a butterfly back to a caterpillar. She saw the way I avoided looking at Levi, especially when he was around his boyfriend, whom I no longer hated. He didn’t deserve my hate. It wasn’t his fault that I was foolish enough to fall in love with my best friend. It also wasn’t his fault that Levi was interested in him instead of me. Okay, maybe it was a bit his fault, with his good looks and all. But those feelings were gone, especially after seeing each other in the bathroom every day like some kind of ritual.

I was becoming a depressed mess and I didn’t know what to do.

</3 </3 </3

It had been exactly a month since the whole school had learned about Levi’s and Erwin’s relationship, not that I was keeping count or anything. Seriously, Erwin was the one keeping count because that day in the bathroom he actually talked to me.

“It’s a month today.” We were standing next to each other leaning against the sink, just like always. But if it was like every other day, Erwin would’ve left already. He didn’t spend much time in here, after a couple of days after his continual appearance I realized he only came in to check on me, then he’d leave so Levi wouldn’t get worried.

“Huh?” Although I knew all of this I still didn’t know what he meant.

“It’s been a month since I came out.”

“Oh.” What else could I say? I was aware I wasn’t giving him any real responses but he still kept talking.

“A month ago I told Levi it was okay to let people know about our relationship.” He stopped to look my way, but I didn’t say anything because I had a feeling he wasn’t done. “I told him I was ready. I didn’t want to hold him back, I didn’t want him to feel like our relationship was a dirty secret.” He stopped again, taking in a deep breath. He left my gaze and turned around to face the mirror. I followed his steps soon after.

“He told me we didn’t have to let the whole world know we were together to make our relationship work. Even though I believed him I knew well enough things weren’t always that easy. I told him I wanted to, that I was ready.” Damn boy talking like he was 25. “But now I know that I’m not ready. I’m not ready to let everyone know who I am. I don’t want people to look at me wherever I go and whisper because ‘I’m too young to know what I want’. But they’re all wrong. I know what I want, but I can’t have it.”

Okay now he was really confusing me. I really had no idea what he was talking about.

“He likes you, you know.”

“Wh-what?” He didn’t even say his name but I knew who he was talking about.

“Levi.” He looked at my reflection on the mirror as I looked at his. He wasn’t lying. “I don’t think he knows it himself but he really likes you.” He didn’t say anything else, just stared at me. Like he knew that I needed time to think over about what he said. He _knew_ how I felt. I could see it in his eyes. I saw my eyes opening, shining green too bright than what I was used to seeing.

“I like him, but not as much as you do. And he likes me too, but not as much as he likes you.” He kept pausing after every sentence, probably because I looked like I was about to pass out and I hadn’t said a single word, not like I could anyways.

“I broke up with him.” _That’s it. I’m dead. Bury me in satin like that stupid song goes. Ugh. What the hell? You are not making any sense right now just shut up. Okay breathe. In. Out. In. Out._

I’m going crazy.

“Just now in the cafeteria. We’re over, Eren.” He turned around, leaving me there with my mouth hanging open. He was almost out the door but that didn’t stop me from hearing his next words.

“Don't let him go.”

 


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song: Plain White T's - Boomerang

_What happened to us? I heard that it's me we should blame._

_What happened to us? Why didn't you stop me from turning out this way?_

I tried not to punch something while I listened to the song I had been listening to since I left school. Learning about Levi’s new relationship status did nothing to change how I felt inside.

" _He likes you, you know.”_

_"I don’t think he knows it himself but he really likes you.”_

_" We’re over, Eren.”_

_“Don't let him go.”_

That song wasn’t the only thing I kept on repeat. I couldn’t stop replaying Erwin’s words. What did he mean Levi liked me? That couldn’t be possible. I had asked him myself who he liked and how I wish I hadn’t done that because look where it got me.

_And know that I don't hate you_

_And know that I don't want to fight you_

_And know that I'll always love you_

_But right now I just don't..._

The song ended once again, and just like every other time I had to disagree with the last sentence because I could never stop loving Levi, even if it was just for one second.

 

</3 </3 </3

 

“Eren! Come here!” Surprisingly, I heard Mikasa’s words over my earphones. I had been blasting on sad music all day, which wasn’t a surprise. It was Friday, two days after my talk with Erwin. For some reason I had avoided going to school. I didn’t feel like facing Levi, or Erwin for that matter. How were things now that they weren’t together? Did they continue to sit at the same table during lunch or did Levi go back to sitting with us? Did they continue to be project partners or did Erwin tell Levi he wanted Mike back? Did they walk together to their classes or did Levi go back to walking beside Mikasa?

All these questions to which I didn’t know the answer to because going back to school for the rest of the week wasn’t even considered an option to me. Of course it wasn’t easy to just stay home, so I pretended to be sick so Mikasa wouldn’t be on my ass all the time. But I think she soon figured out that I was lying, since she told me that everyone at school kept talking about the “big brake-up”.

Middle schoolers really don’t have a life, and yes, that is including me.

“Eren?” Since I had failed to follow Mikasa’s command, she decided to knock on my door. “There’s someone here to see you.” Once I processed her words I saw my heart leap out my chest and jump out my window. Even though I didn’t know who it was behind my door, I still had an idea.  
       
“Eren, can I come in?” That voice. I hadn’t heard that voice in so long but I knew exactly whose it was.

I tried to reply and say yes you can or something of the sort but I couldn’t. I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out. I felt panic wash over me. What if he left because I didn’t respond? What if he thought I didn’t want to see him? I couldn’t let that happen. I got out of my bed as fast as I could and went to open the door.

Levi. Levi was standing right there in front of me, the closest he had been ever since he saw me cry and tried to wipe away my tears. But not only was he standing there, he was looking at me with the most beautiful eyes I had ever seen. I missed looking at his grey eyes. I missed the feeling I got whenever he came too close. I missed his scent, his hugs, and his smile.

“Can I come in?” I missed his voice. I missed the way his lips moved every time he spoke.

“Yes.”

After I moved out of the way, he entered my room and dropped something on my desk. I was too dumbstruck to notice he had been carrying something the whole time.

"I heard you were sick so I brought you soup.” He asked about me?

I was still standing by the door. Just standing there watching Levi’s every move. He kept looking at me since apart from ‘yes’ I hadn’t said a word to him. He started walking closer to me, and I swear I saw something flash in his eyes. Was it regret? Guilt? Shame? Remorse?

Those words all mean the same.

“Eren, I’m so sorry.” He was inches away from me, so I close I could hear his breathing. They were short, desperate breaths. I didn’t realize I was crying until he wiped a tear away. But even after hearing his words I couldn’t say anything. All I could do was silently cry because I had missed him so much. Every day that passed without me talking to him made my heart clench. It hurt so much to have him so close but so far at the same time.

“Eren.” That was the fourth time he said my name. The most he’s said it in such a short amount of time. “Eren, look at me. And I did. I raised my head and once my eyes met his I couldn’t look away.

Then he did something I didn’t expect him to, he hugged me. He hugged me so tight, like I was a helium balloon that would fly away if he let go, never to be seen again. I felt his lips momentarily brush my neck until they got near my ear. “I’m really sorry for everything I put you through. I shouldn’t have pushed you away, knowing how much you mean to me. I have no excuse. Please forgive me. I don’t think I can spend another day without you by my side.  Without hearing your laugh, or seeing your smile. Ever since that day I told you about him my life hasn’t been the same, and I know I’m the one to blame. I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”

I found it hard to listen to his words when all I felt was his cool breath hitting my neck. But I heard them clearly, and they just made the tears come down harder. I didn’t want him to hate himself for what had happened. I had forgiven him long before all those words reached me.

“I forgive you.” I wrapped my arms around him, finally hugging him back. I couldn’t tell whose tears stained my shirt, but at the moment that didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was that Levi was right here in my arms, and nothing in this life had ever felt so right. I had never felt so safe in my entire life. I never wanted to let go.  
        
So I didn’t.

Even when he said it was uncomfortable to keep hugging while sitting down on the bed (It doesn’t feel uncomfortable to me).

Even after he told me I should go back to resting, since I was sick (I feel better now, thanks to you).

Even after he urged me to eat his soup because he made it himself and it was only polite to eat it before it got cold (I could just heat it up in the microwave).

I didn’t let him go even after he told me it was getting late and he had homework to do (Tomorrow’s Saturday, you have all weekend to do it.)

He got the message since he just hugged me tighter and laughed.

  
</3 </3 </3

 

I felt a glare on my face. I rubbed my eyes open and found the sun looking directly at me, engulfing me with its warmness and bright light. Huh. How unusual of me to just leave the blinds open since I knew the sun rose on the same side my bedroom was located. But that wasn’t the only unusual thing on this fine morning. I felt something pressed against my whole back, and not only that, but there was an arm wrapped around my waist, and a leg wrapped around my leg. My heart quickened just thinking of the person who was spooning me. I slowly lifted my head to look behind me and sure enough there was no other than Levi with a faintly opened mouth, from which slight snores could be heard.

To say I didn’t panic was a lie. So many questions ran through my mind, making me forget there was a person sleeping against me. And not just a person, but Levi! I froze when I felt him move a bit, mumbling a “Five more minutes” and nuzzling my neck, sending chills down my spine. Before things got too awkward, we can’t forget I’m a hormonal teenage boy, I slowly removed his arm and leg from me and got off the bed.

I started pacing back and forth in my room, trying to think about what to do. I avoided watching his sleeping figure because God knows how adorable he looked and I didn’t need my thoughts to be clouded.

Did Mikasa know Levi had stayed over? What about my parents? Oh no, they could never know. How would they react about finding a boy in their son’s bed? Levi had slept over before many times, but he always slept in a sleeping bag on the floor. We had never slept on the same bed. Plus, I always told my parents when he was coming over. It’s not like I wanted to get rid of him, but I needed to and quick. My family always had breakfast together on Saturdays around 8am, (the day everyone was free).

I looked at the clock hoping it was far from 8, but who am I kidding? Things are always complicated when it comes to Eren Jaeger, so I wasn’t a bit surprised when I read 7:49am on my alarm clock.

Shit. Shit. Shit.

“Eren? What are you doing up, come back to bed.” Once again I froze in my tracks. Levi was up and he wanted me to go back to bed with him.

Since when were we a married couple?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song at beginning is: Which to Bury; Us or the Hatchet by Relient K.
> 
> Thanks for reading. 
> 
> Tell me, what did you think? (Feedback makes my day ^.^)


End file.
